The Joy When Big, Beautiful, Black Girls Get Married
Black Love is one of the most beautiful things one can ever know. Sure love is blind and all that generic stuff, but as an African American--knowing and still healing from the trauma of slavery, there is an extra essence of beauty when speaking about Eros+Agape love between two black people. But I want to add one more layer--as a plus sized black woman, it’s even more beautiful when a big, black girls get married.
Even though black bbws are “trending" now, that was NOT always the case. From being called “big mama" to the even more heartbreaking “fat, black bitch" and etc., life for big black girls ain’t been no crystal stair. Being black is hard…being a black woman is hard…being a big, black woman is heavy (pun intended). All of that to say, when my fellow big, beautiful and black sistas find true love and marriage, it not only makes my heart smile--it gives me and so many other women that look like me hope.
There is a lot of trauma big, black girls experience in both childhood and adulthood. We now use euphemisms such as “curvy", but many of us “curvy girls" developed early--with breasts, wide hips and the like before the general age of puberty hits. I was wearing a DD-cup in the 9th grade…LET US PRAY! The combination of oversexualization and fatphobia is tough af. The toxicity of “You’re pretty for a big girl” and “You’d be bad if you lost weight” and also butt hurt men who call you all sorts of fat, black expletives when you don’t respond favorably to cat calls is a little too disgusting and painful to reflect on…but here we are. I was 15 the first time a man called me a “fat bitch". I was just a few weeks shy from turning 16 (and thought I was cute with my little drivers license permit) and was heading inside of Party City to pick out invitations. A car full of assholes rolled down the window yelling whatever nonsense beckoning for me to come to their car which also reeked of cannibus. When I politely declined, the driver proceeded to yell, “F*ck you then, you stupid, fat bitch.” So let’s be clear, dude had the game wrong, but the fear of being attacked further, being raped, etc. all entered my mind. I just frantically hurried along to get inside the store hoping and praying they wouldn’t come in to further humiliate me. Oh…let’s not forget I WAS A DAMN CHILD AND THESE WERE GROWN ASS MEN!
But let’s get back to this big, black girl love and matrimony. Seeing women who look like me reinforces the fact that I’m worthy of love…HEALTHY love. Not this struggle ass love.
When you are a big, black girl with standards, whew chile…issa whole lotta fu*cksh*t that comes out the woodwork. One of the most common big, black girl struggles is men being confident with taking you out in public…so when a man MARRIES you in front of friends, family and loved ones, that’s a big ass cause for celebration. I’m a big, black girl with standards, meaning that if a dude is with the shit at anytime, its ova wit.
Sweetie, you are NOT doing me no damn favors with only one option of “Netflix and Chill” because yo grown ass is too ashamed or embarrassed for your slaw, uglass friends to know that you like big girls. GROW UP! This literally is the same bullshit a lot of big, black girls have dealt with their whole lives. It was trash then and its definitely trash af now. And STAY OUT KF BIG, BLACK GIRLS DMS WITH THESE NASTY ASS MESSAGES. Seriously, if I wasn’t saved, I could really embarrass some men folk with some screenshots.
To the brothas that have “liked their girls bbw" from day one, you have my absolute loyalty. Big, black girls are human beings…we are not a trend, a fetish or a second choice. We are beautiful, loving people. Yes we a naturally sexual creatures as many humans are, but please don’t reduce us to playthings. Men who find the beauty in us no matter what society designates as the standard of beauty is a man I will wait for.
To my fellow big, beautiful black sistas, we fine af, do NOT settle for anything nor anyone less than what you deserve. There are big girls out here winning... let’s keep those numbers up, sis. Cheers to big girl #BlackLove…BIG GIRLS NEED LOVE TOO, LIL BITTY BIH!
Photo credit: B. Lynn Stigger
Featured in the photo: 2019 Newlyweds David & Keosha Winters