The BBW Slay Dating Chronicles
Part 2: Big, Black & Optimistic
So, my first date of the year was absolutely TRASH, but read part one to learn about that, because I’m in a good mood and I don’t need that ominous energy in my life. While I’m slick glowing right now, February was tough, but I hope that God has heard my cry and I will be DELIVERT!
The Initial Convo
COVID 19 has made us more comfortable about telling the truth that we meet our boo thangs through dating apps. We were already doing it pre-COVID but folks be out here acting like you are from outer space if you’re into online dating (but that’s another blog for another time). Soooooo, anywho, let’s get into this first convo, shall we?
Whoever is in the dating app scene knows how exhausting it is to get hit with the “hey, how you doing or my favorite language for the basic “Hru". So, off top, this brotha captivated me for 4 immediate reasons:
- He looked fly as hell in his pic and had 🎶body ody ody🎶. I have an INSANE passion for fashion and a man with a sense of style is always a plus for me.
- I’m extremely booked and busy a lot **flipshair**, so I often mess up and miss matches on Bumble because women have to engage first. He extended the match which immediately showed intention and sincere interest (cuz you gotta pay for that!).
- He didn’t use the language for the basic. His first two sentences were, “There is a God. I hope this goes well.”
- He made me laugh. So, I’m a quintessential Aries with all the hot fire like Dylan, Dylan, Dylan (if you don’t get that joke, YOU’RE WHACK🤣). So he goes on to ask me how do I pronounce my name and I spell it phonetically. He then says, you forgot the hyphen. My hot-head ass immediately got annoyed like wtf, bruh…I know how to spell my damn name. Then he said, “It went over your head but [you’ll] get it soon enough.” I’m like bish whet? He then got me together and said I left out the hyphen with his last name. SWOON, RIGHT! Hell, nah…I’m a G. I was like that’s cute (secretly blushing), but how my trauma with men and dating are set-up, I immediately thought this was just another dude tryna flex with a quick wit and a lil game. I was pleasantly surprised.
A Miracle Occurred: We Talked on the Phone
So, I make it no secret that I absolutely LOATHE talking on the phone. But I got some feedback from my homeboy and he was like, “So you want a ‘text-relationship’". First of all, don’t come for me second of all you right though.
So we had the traditional first convos around why we’re single and what our dating experiences have been like. It appears that my dating experiences took first place in the struggle olympics. He was like…
What captivated me the most is that he asked if I would give him a chance. In a world where women are bogged down by patriarchy — where everyone but women seem to be making decisions for women, it was refreshing to be asked permission to engage. I immediately began to identify a recurring trend…he is consistent and intentional AF. Das sexy!
He Got GOALS, Goals
If I can’t say anything else about this brotha is he is a goal-getter FASHO! I also hit a moment of truth about myself in listening more about him and his goals--I don’t have any SELF goals. The majority of my goals are connected to what I want to do to support other people. I was legitimately devastated when I had the epiphany. And unfortunately, my immediate reaction was to curse his ass out. LBVS! But, something was different about THIS man, he forced me to have hard conversations that I typically avoid. Now don’t get it twisted, I did have to be like, aight, you safe to provide advice, but come correct. I’m just saying. I have NEVER had a man to be able to get me together, so I’m over here like…
After navigating through the hard convos (and keep in mind ion even know dude like that), this is what I discovered about myself:
- My accomplishments at this point in my life have been happenstance and unpredictable. I have not taken the time to reveal what I need or want — just about what needs to get done with OTHER folks.
- I don’t like for people to tell me what to do, even its right, because I have a big ego and I avoid failure. I only focus on things I am already good at. Preaches to self: “Sis, that ain’t it".
- I have received so much praise my entire life, I think you’re crazy as hell if you have something else different to say. Y’all, dude told me, “I think you are the woman I’ve prayed for and I want US to be the best we can be so we can be in each other’s lives for a long time.” **inserts thug cry**. Again, the theme with consistency AND intentionality is a breath of fresh air.
4. I don’t study nor reflect on establishing healthy, romantic relationships because I have existing trauma from a growing up witnessing my parents' fractured marriage. I didn’t really wanna say “daddy issues" because interestingly enough, patriarchy magically blames women for DADDY ISSUES. And I ain’t time for no raggedy ass misogynoir tuh-day!
The Date
One of the most excruciating parts about dating is MEN ACTUALLY ASKING YO ASS OUT ON A DATE! Whew! Runs me low as hell! #Uglass Anywho, keeping the same consistent energy, not only did this man ask me out on a date, HE PLANNED IT!
So…what is NOT the sexiest situation is that he doesn’t live in the same city, but technology came through for your girl. GLORAY! So HE suggested that we get dressed up, prepare meals, have a dope dinner and end with a Black film (which was “Coming 2 America”). He found out (because I am old and late) you can do virtual watch parties through Amazon Prime so we literally were able to watch the whole movie together as if we were right beside each other in person. SO CUTE AND FUN!
During the date we talked GROWN PEOPLE BUSINESS. PERIODT. We talked about financial goals (WHEW CHILE…he is something serious about these finance goals to the point where I be like damn “OKAY, DAD!” lol!), legacy building, setting planned/scheduled date nights, shared prayer and relationship goals…WHEW! All this intentionality on date one. I’m like…
Also, I can’t forget to add a little element of surprise. So it may not be a big deal to folks reading this, but thoughtfulness (no matter how big or small) means the world to me. So what I thought was a random question earlier in the day when we were texting (because we both respect work boundaries, okurrrrr), he asked me what my favorite 90’s R&B group was (which is 112 btw). Yall, as soon as we both logged into the virtual date, 112 was playing in the background.
Setting the Foundation of Intention
So, date one DEFINITELY comes with HELLA next dates… two, three, four five, ALL OF EM! Now, we did have a little growing pain for date 2, but it led to one of the most vulnerable and inspirational conversations I have ever had with a man before in my life. Now, remember when I said I HATE talking on the phone? WE TALKED THAT NIGHT FOR 4 HOURS. So, my Leo the Lion Future Bae (Fire Signs, STAND UP!!!!) has established Fridays as our standing date night. And my Spring Break 2021 is about to be lit with the my new Bumble Boo :-) To be continued…
