The BBW Slay 2021 Dating Chronicles: Romance, Gaslighting & Confusion in Orlando (Part 1)
Hey ya’ll! So, first, I’m so excited to learn how many Black women really find value in my blogs. I LIVE for creating good feelings for Black women, cuz chile, Lord knows we need it the most! While there are several dates in this special edition Orlando series I will cover, you will later learn why my recent trip was such a pivotal moment with the “bae".
Leading up to Baecation
I wish I could say that this brief romance has been as whimsical as it was when I captured my experiences in my initial blog, but you already know that shit did not happen. **Le sigh** In order to get you to the BIG twist at the end of this story, I have to get you caught up on a few things that have been pissing me off and pushing me away from the “bae".
#1: He Asked Me to Lose Weight IMMEDIATELY
Now we all know from the mere title of my blog, that I’m body positive af. I have struggled with my weight since I was about 8 years old after a minor surgery. Once I hit my teen years, I lost a little weight, but was still very much a “thick girl". Now don’t get it twisted, I been a bad bish! I don’t have the unfortunate childhood stories many people who struggle with their weight experienced. I took gymnastics, I was a chubby cheerleader (even though my cheerleading coach had some serious fatphobia issues, but that’s a story for another day), I won Best Dressed & Prom Queen my senior year in high school and made history at The University of Memphis as one of the few Black Women (and particularly a plus sized Black woman) to be selected as a finalist for Miss University of Memphis. All of that to say that I have a lifetime of Big, Black and Beautiful receipts.
In 2017, my dad became ill, and I begrudgingly moved back to my hometown, Memphis, TN. Memphis has THEE best food and the least opportunities for mobility and exercise. To date I have gained a whopping 65 lbs.
Do I need to lose weight? Wtf?!?! Absolutely! Am I going to? Yep…BUT ON MY OWN TIME, BIH! I was really taken aback when “bae" came at me with the “What are your weight loss goals? I just want you to be healthy” line. Nah, bruh. Ion like dat. My immediate response was to cancel this naker, because he was out of pocket quick. I even checked in with my tribe to see if I was overreacting and hands down everyone was like:
In fact, one guy I’m cool with legit said “bae” was out of his mind and RUN. **Deep sigh** Despite this red flag, I tried to make it work. Cuz ain’t that what Black women do alllll the damn time! ”Ain’t I a woman!” (Rest in power, good ancestor Sojourner Truth.) While I am super confident, weight is a super sensitive topic. I’m like WTF RAISED YOU that you didn’t know that you shouldn’t literally within the first few days of knowing a woman to NOT start talking about her weight. Hell, I’m getting mad all over again writing this! Like, go get you the woman you want. Why invest energy into trying to change someone? Naker, I’m the same fat I was when you first saw me. Whew chile!
#2: He Criticized Me for Having Student Loan Debt
First of all, what person under the age of 40 isn’t battling with these bullshit ass student loans? While I’m not really holding my breath for there to be a completely clean slate on student loans, I am a part of the first college grad kiddos to enter into the Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program and I have about 2 years left before I am officially eligible for my assessment. After telling him this (after he asked…I’m not mad necessarily that the brotha asked, but I definitely think it was way too soon to question my finances and especially my financial decisions). Yall, I’m not sure how many arguments we have had at this point about him feeling I should pay off my student loans and not at least see if some or all will be forgiven. IKYFL! First of all, you not even my damn boyfriend and far from a damn husband, so I need you to back TF back! Second of all, I have been 100% financially independent my entire adult life and have, in my opinion, made decent financial decisions and have held my own very well. I’m like, STAY OUT MY POCKETS! Can we at least converse for a full month before you do all this Inspector Gadget ass shit. WHEW CHILE!
I would be remiss not to mention that he is OBSESSED with Dave Ramsey, the “financial guru” and staunch conservative firing women for having children out of wedlock. Now I have to stop and judge my damn self here. How can someone as liberal as I am tolerate someone who would have aligned beliefs with Dave Ramsey. He sends me TONS of Dave Ramsey YouTube videos EVERY SINGLE DAY and he literally watches this man when he wakes up, multiple times throughout the day when he has down time and before he goes to sleep. SHIT! Issa lot, mane!
#3: He Struggles With Communicating
Not to man bash (and don’t yall come on this blog with the shit), but I don’t know very many heterocis men who don’t struggle with communication, but “bae" takes the cake. Example argument 1 million: while I was in Orlando, we got into a HUGE argument after I told him a very personal and intimate experience of sexual harrassment I endured in my 20’s as a teacher by my evaluating principal. Instead of saying “oh babe, I hate that happened to you", he responded with “why didn’t you call the police”. I was like wait…what? So I said, people don’t believe Black women when we tell our stories of abuse and/or harassment, and furthermore, I would get DRAGGED for being a Black woman and calling the police on a Black man. As a teacher it could have been VERY public AND the man also went to my church with his wife and kids. So I just left the district. This mane was like, he needs to be punished and now because you didn’t report him he could do it to someone else. NAKER, first of all, I was a teacher trying to gain tenure, so my career was at stake. He then proceeded to say “FORGET A JOB”. Aight, so I LOST IT at that point. I was hurt, pissed and disgusted that he exemplified NO empathy and somehow made me out to be the villain.
After giving him the max silent treatment, he apologized…but still that “apology” ended up with the story somehow being about him and how he has also gone through things and that’s life. At this point, I’m like can I just get a jet and fly the eff away? It wasn’t until I was moved to tears that he exemplified some sense of humanity…kinda. When he first saw I was crying, he asked “Well, what do you wanna do?” I then responded, “I don’t know” and he nonchalantly said, “Do what you think is best and walked off.” At that moment (and he doesn’t even know this) I looked for early flights to just dip and fly back to Memphis. After about 5 minutes, he begged me to come to bed so we could talk. But it kinda was too late. I had an epiphany…finally. Bae exemplifies narcissist characteristics with consistent bouts of gaslighting. But, the gag is, I still like the GOOD parts of him. I don’t think he is a bad guy; however, I did recommend he see a therapist and that we both need to engage in frequent communication skill improvement activities. While he definitely says (and continues to say) dumb shit, I have a really bad temper and while I would typically curse a naker out and keep it moving, I still like and see so much good in him and most of all, I respect him…which is actually toxic af because his words are not always respectful to me. [Message to self: YOU make an appointment with YOUR therapist, sis.]
What’s Next in this Raggedy Ass Romance?
Sis, when I tell you I don’t damn know. But what I do know is I deserve to feel good ALL THE TIME…not just sometimes. And when me and bae argue, I feel awful. When we are good, we are sooooooo good. Like heart skips a beat, butterflies and all the fuzzies. But that reckless ass mouth-- I’m not signing up for that shit. I am reluctant af about establishing an exclusive relationship with bae and that breaks my heart. But how these red flags are set up, I’m not very optimistic.
This ain’t the end of the story, but I had to get this off my chest because it’s so heavy right now. In part 2 of Romance, Gaslighting & Confusion in Orlando, I will focus on each day in Orlando with “bae". Stay tuned and pray for ya favorite #BBW.
