I’m a Black 34.5 BBW & I Date Black Women & Gay Black Men

(Photo Source: Rich Polk/Getty Images North America)

Let me start off by saying DON’T COME ON THIS BLOG WITH NO HOMOPHOBIC SHIT. You will get cancelled immediately…PERIODT.

Now since we got that out of the way, I’ve come to an epic epiphany as we prepare to end both a year and a decade--black women and gay black men are simply MUCH more fun to date. As I reflect back over the best experiences I’ve ever had…like when I truly peaked at happiness and joy, I can’t really recall it ever being with a hetero-cis male…of any race or ethnicity. While I am not a lesbian (unfortunately…because being a heterosexual woman is oppressive & basura af), I just get very little joy from dating heterosexual men.

Dates typically fit into one of these categories:

1. The Dry Ass Dude: This is the afraid of his own shadow ass dude who won’t loosen up…Henny…edibles…dis mane still be dry af…triscuit lookin ass.
2. The Hotep: Chile…I don’t even have the energy to talk about Tariq Nasheed, Dr. Umar en dem’.
3. The Dexter’s Laboratory Chauvinist: Ugh…These are the cool nerds that were likely whack af in HS, but got sexy, pledged Alpha and became an “Ice cold” asshole (Still love the bruhs tho…lol!!!!)
4. The Playa from the Himalayas: This one is self-explanatory…these chubby chasing gourmands are just trying to smash.
5. The Damn Near 40 Year Old Who is Not Looking for Anything Serious: As I am knocking on mid-30’s door, I’ve been accessible to older men and to my surprise, age indeed aint nothin but a number, because these folks simply don’t have their shit together. Its like they’re trying to be Jay Z in reverse.

Black women and gay black men feel like home…my happy place where I feel like I can be my true self…the people who truly get my complex, mean-nice ass (<---oxymoron lookin ass).

Maybe my unyielding loyalty and love of black women and gay black men exist because of our commonality of being the target of rejection and toxic masculinity. Particularly as a big, “not redbone enough", “bossy", “miss me with that bullshit black woman”, I’m not necessarily the “Coming to America" “whatever you like" type of sista. Now let’s be clear, I’m fine af and have no problems catching vibes with the opposite sex…but the fizzle is real. And quite frankly, I’m siccud.

For example, I live in this super swanky downtown Memphis studio, and while there are a handful of black folk, I pass by my black male neighbors everyday booed up with a lil Kimber on their arms as the man darts his eyes at me and grunts with utter disdain. First of all, “WHO THE HELL HURT YOU?!?!” Love (or freak) who you wanna, but I aint got time for that self-hatred energy, sweetie. That shit is exhausting af. Who has time. ITS SO DAMN GHETTO!

Dating without pressure and expectation is so fulfilling! I date for shared experiences with people I love…not eros love…but agape (God’s love) and philia love (friendship love). You know the saying, “God’s love is sufficient”…chile…FIND THE LIE! My black women and gay black men friends ALWAYS show up with no hesitation…with no expectations…just because they love me. Oh…and they are well-cultured af. Baby, we are out here adorned in high fashion observing black art in a black-owned gallery…deadass. When I’m hurting, nothing soothes my soul and nurtures my spirit back to health like a black woman and a gay black man.

While I have faith, I’m a realist. And its REAL hard dating heterosexual men, so until something changes, Imma be running through the 6 with my black women and gay black men woes.

Note: This is NOT a man-bashing blog…it is 100% reflective of my personal experiences. So again…DON’T COME FOR ME WITH THE SHITS!